Reasoning rows

If tempers are frayed every night and working out your issues is turning into a full-time job, you may not be handling your arguments effectively. Relate, the relationship counselling service, has these tips for healthy disagreements that won't cause noise complaints from the neighbours.

- If you want to raise a tricky topic with your partner, start the discussion amicably. Don't go in with all guns firing, or with a sarcastic or critical comment.

- Respect your partner's views, even if you are annoyed. Instead of saying, 'I'm not a child!' try, 'I know it's important to you to feel able to spend as and when you like, but I need to have a say in how our money is used too'.

- Take responsibility for your own emotions. Why are you so upset? Has something from the past been stirred up by this latest row? Yes, his behaviour may have triggered your feelings, but their depth may have little to do with the current problem.

- Keep tabs on physical feelings, which warn you if you are close to losing control. A knot in the stomach, breathlessness, tears, all spell trouble. Leave the room, and take time to calm down.

- Be prepared to compromise. Often the only way to reach a win-win solution is for both partners to give some ground. Don't stick rigidly to your desired outcome. Check out what your partner wants to achieve - don't take it for granted that you already know.