Ten killer tips for online dating success
As every beer company knows, the way to a man's heart is through advertising. Throw him a picture of a shapely lass handling a cold pint of beer, and a snappy line like 'probably the best lager in the world', and he's putty in your hands.
So when you're faced with that blank text box marked 'why should people get to know you?' on a dating website, think like an ad man. By seeing your dating profile as an advert for yourself, you're already halfway to outwitting the competition and landing the date of your dreams.
No-one finds it easy to write a personal ad. Unless you have an ego the size of Lithuania, it feels plain weird to list all your good qualities and publish them for the world to see.
The trick is to approach the task like an advertising copywriter. Here's how:
1. Know your audience
Advertisers spend fortunes on market research. It makes sense - what'sthe point in creating an advert when you don't know what your buyers want? So before writing a word, browse the profiles of people you'd like to date, and make notes about what they're looking for.
Note that most sites will ask you to register before reading more than a couple of profiles. Registering on a reputable dating site is free and involves no obligation, and it allows you to browse as much as you like and create your profile at your leisure. You can then upgrade your membership once you want to start writing to people.
2. Know your competition
Also browse profiles written by members of your own sex. What sort of things make you laugh or make you roll your eyes and think 'I can't believe they wrote that'? Get a feel for what works and what doesn't. Reading the competition's profiles also boosts your confidence by revealing just how bad some other people's ads are...
3. Use a focus group
In other words, someone who knows you well. (Not your mum. Please.) You are probably the worst person for getting an objective view of your personality and appeal, so a friend's input can be very useful. Ask them to help you list your most attractive qualities. However, don't post a profile saying: 'I couldn't think of what to write, so here's what my best mate said'. That makes you sound like you can't put your socks on without best buddy holding your hand.
4. Sell, sell, sell!
They say you have to like yourself before someone else can like you, and they are correct. Unless you're Stephen Fry, self-deprecation can be very off-putting in anything other than the smallest, wittiest nuggets, especially when you're trying to pull. No-one likes an egomaniac, but a little self-confidence goes a very long way, and your ad needs to reflect this.
So be positive about yourself, and don't be ashamed to state why people should get to know you. Are you a great conversationalist? Then say so. Are you funny? Then make your ad funny. Do you make a spectacular picnic? Tell the world. If you and your friend are listing your good qualities and you bat away all their suggestions with 'No, I'm rubbish', then frankly I'm not surprised that you're single.
5. ... but don't overdo it
At the risk of contradicting myself, know where to set your positivity thermostat. 'I make a great curry and I'll always try to make you laugh' is good, but 'I'm very good-looking and no-one can understand why I'm single' will translate in anyone's mind as: 'You will never fancy me as much as I fancy myself. Oh and I'll probably cheat on you.'
6. Image is all
In the big bad world, lots of successful adverts have no pictures at all. 'Just do it' and a little swoosh are enough to sell a gazillion trainers. However, in online dating, an advert without a picture is like trying to sell a Wonderbra without Eva Herzigova's boobs. No matter how open-minded or intellectual you are, you will see a pictureless personal ad as shorthand for: 'I'm so ugly that I can't inflict a photo on you', or 'I'm married and I don't want anyone to rumble me', or 'I am a psychopath'.
When choosing a photo, make sure it was taken recently and is relatively flattering. I say 'relatively', because if you use a photo that's too flattering, your hot date will go pale when they see how much less cute you are than expected. Not a good start.
7. Don't criticise your audience
If you're fresh from a string of painful flings with scoundrels, it will be very tempting to write 'No more gits and losers, please'. This will do nothing to attract the opposite sex - it just makes you sound like hard work.
8. Make 'em laugh
Not for nothing has 'GSOH' been a staple of the small ads for decades. People love to laugh and to be around someone who makes them happy. But simply stating 'I'm really funny' proves nothing. Show them through the tone of your ad that you're witty and fun to be around. Don't unleash a string of one-liners: just keep the tone upbeat, fun and informal. Definitely don't write it when you're in a bad mood!
9. Give them something to relate to
When someone reads your profile, they're far more likely to respond if you mention specific interests that strike a chord with them. Think about the things that make you happy, places you've been, things you'd love to do. Try to list them in a witty way that demonstrates your lust for life: 'Swimming in the sea? Dancing in the street at 3am? Eurostar tomorrow morning? I'd love to, so dare me!'.
10. Leave out the small print
Some things are best left unsaid - at least until you know you're going to see each other again. After date number four. Yes, maybe you snore like a chesty walrus, but this is not something to state in your ad. Let them cross that bridge when they come to it (or indeed, hear it at 3am). Stating how much you earn will not thrill anyone, unless you're actively seeking a gold-digger. And beyond ticking the appropriate 'relationship status' box, don't waste space by mentioning any more about your divorce. You might as well just write 'I'm bitter and damaged and on the rebound, and what's your name?'
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