AOL

The crusty crab is a grumpy, moody creature, always clinging to the rock pool of life waiting for the next wave to hit. No matter how well things go you will always find something to worry about. And when something does go wrong (again) you like nothing more than to wallow in a pool of self-pity.

Others may put your secretive nature down to being a shy, quiet type but deep down you fear that others will use your secrets against you. Paranoid is not the word. You remember every hurtful thing anyone has ever done or said to you (and sometimes run through them just before you go to sleep). You don't know how to forgive and forget and you can bear a grudge for years, while the poor victim of your moody, grumpy behaviour has no idea what they ever did wrong.

Dating and relationships
You yearn for someone to love you - but only if they prove they are worthy. Not only must they get through that hard armoured shell of yours, they also have to put up with a few nasty nips from your pincers for their troubles. You are defensive in the extreme. You're idea of 'come and get me' is to scuttle sideways along the bar with your eyes fixed to the floor.

When you do find yourself a mate, you like to sink your pincers in deep and not let go. At first the object of your love and devotion feels comforted and secure - that's until they realise they can't breathe from suffocation. Should your partner dare come up for air from your clingy pincers, you'll throw a mood swing that has them begging for forgiveness, even though they have no idea what they might have done.

At work
You got the job because your boss admired your loyalty and devotion, either that, or they thought there was too much fun and frivolity in the office. You're the first to arrive in the morning and the last one to leave at night. You work longer and harder than any of your colleagues, a fact you like to tell anyone who will listen. The truth is that you're low on self-esteem and high on martyrdom - you work hard because you worry you're rubbish at your job, and anyway, it gives you something to feel hard done by about.

When you're not moaning about the company, you're sat in a corner moodily brooding about the possibility of redundancy. Your workmates gave up trying to make conversation with you years ago, you're so secretive that they know nothing about your personal life, and anything they tell you about themselves gets taken down and used in evidence.