He can't get over his affair!

My husband has just had a stupid month-long fling with a woman who lives nearby. I found out and he dumped her, but we decided to give things another go as we both still love each other. Problem is, he is still punishing himself for what happened, won't talk to me, says I would be better off without him. He completely regrets what he did, but still gets these black moods. So how do we move on? Is he playing me for a fool?

Susan advises
Your husband is absolutely not playing you for a fool. He's reacting as he is not because he no longer cares, but because he cares a great deal. He's angry at himself for having made a mistake, he's scared stiff that he might lose you. He's in a mood not because he's trying to hurt you but because he still feels terrible about this affair.

And why shouldn't he feel terrible? Such bad feeling is called guilt - and it's nature's way of hammering home the message that something we did was a really bad idea. No, your husband shouldn't be giving himself a hard time forever, but I would be far more worried if he had just shrugged all this off and pretended it hadn't happened.

And it's for that reason that I am a little worried about you. Your husband did give into temptation, and did play away - it's not good to be shrugging it off, as you seem to be doing. The way to move on is to face up to the affair, face the reasons for the affair - and work out what you can both do to stop it happening another time.

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