Have I let down my dead mother?

Three years ago my Mum died unexpectedly. But before she died, she told me that if anything ever happened to her I should make sure I took care of my little brother. He was only eleven when she died, so I went to court to get custody of him. But I lost to another family member - who now won't even let me see him. I feel like I've let my Mum down so badly. Help!

Susan advises
There are two issues here. The first is a legal one - whether you should have custody of your brother and if you don't, whether those who do should stop you from seeing him. I'm not a lawyer so I can't advise you on that - but you could ask the Citizen's Advice Bureau for support.

The other issue - and the one I can advise on - is whether you have emotionally let your Mum down. I don't think for one moment that you have. What she asked of you was to do everything in your power to take care of your little brother - and it sounds as it that is exactly what you have done. You've even gone to court to fight for the right to do that!

You are obviously missing your Mum - and your brother - very much; it might be worthwhile having some counselling to deal with those two losses. But please don't feel guilty in any way for what has happened.

You have done your very best here. No-one could have asked for more.