I’m very close to a friend of mine and we did once tip into having a very short relationship. I still have feelings for her and we do have ‘moments’ even now, but nothing more’s happened. She seems to be dabbling around in other relationships, although she knows I like her - I get the feeling she’s testing me. Friends are telling me I just have to get over her, but I’m not sure what she’s up to. What’s happening here?

Susan advises
There could be many things happening here. Your “friend” could be testing you, to find out what you really feel. Or she could be taking things at face value - the relationship with you is over so she’s free to see other people. Or she could be furious at you for not making a clear move, so is taking her revenge by going out with others. Who knows? I certainly don’t - and neither do you.

And that’s the whole problem here. You’re trying to read your friend’s mind - and you're expecting her to read yours. You haven’t told her how much you still care for her - you’re expecting her to know that, and to stay single because of it. This isn’t the best way to build a relationship!

So, first off, sit down and work out what you want here. Do you want to start up again? Or is all this past its sell by date and you need to simply get over it. Whatever, before you have time to bottle yet again, have a ‘where are we at?’ conversation. Tell your friend how you feel and listen while she tells you how she feels. Find out from each other what’s really going on - and then make some decisions based on that, rather than on Chinese whispers!