My girlfriend and I are both divorced and each of us has only recently started dating again. We’re taking our relationship nice and slowly, simply enjoying our time together. But there’s a problem - she’s got children and I haven’t. Her family is complete and the kids are well on the way to growing up, while my biggest regret is never having become a dad. I’m scared that if I stay with her, I’ll lose my chance to have a family. Is it too early for such a deep worry?

Susan advises
Yes, it’s too early for such a deep worry! I’m not saying it’s fine to commit a relationship where one of you wants children and the other doesn't; that particular brand of incompatibility is one of the big “no-no’s” when it comes to making a long term relationship work.

But you two aren’t in a long-term relationship yet, and you may never be. You both know that you’re recovering from your divorces and not nearly ready to settle down.

You also know - even if you can’t admit it - that what you have with each other is a relationship that gives you both back your self-confidence, but that when you’re each feeling better, you may move on.

So relax. Things are not nearly at the point where you need to worry about having kids. Sure, make very sure your partner doesn't get pregnant - though I suspect she will be extra careful on that account. And if you do start to feel seriously committed, and you still feel the same, then think carefully about continuing. But for the moment do just what you are doing - enjoying yourselves and enjoying each other!