I've been with my partner for ten years and love him with all my heart - but for some reason I keep doing stupid things to mess up our relationship. Most recently, I stayed up talking all night with a male friend and spent the whole of the next day with him, without letting my partner know where I was. Nothing actually happened between us, but my partner's convinced we slept together and has left me. Why on earth did I do something so stupid?

Susan advises

The human subconscious is a weird and wonderful thing. On the surface a person may be totally satisfied in a relationship - but underneath they may be restless. They want something to change, but they don't realise that.

My bet is this is the position you're in. You acted as you did because your subconscious sent you messages that are very different from the 'all my heart' love you think you feel for your partner. Maybe after ten years you're bored, so you want to rock the boat. Or maybe your man is taking you for granted, so you want to challenge his complacency. Or maybe, quite simply you are ready to move on and want an excuse.

On his side, my bet is that your partner has been having doubts too. Yes, he was upset that you went off without telling him - but no one walks out on a ten year relationship without at least trying to mend bridges. His subconscious is also telling him something's wrong.

I'm not suggesting that you walk away. I am saying that there's enough negativity here, on both sides, that you must face the problems and put them right. Fail to do that, and even if there's a reconciliation, you will mysteriously find that one or both of you does something else equally stupid - and you split up all over again.