AOL

Recently, my son, 38, has completely alienated himself from my husband and I. When we meet, he shrinks away from our hugs. When we phone he won't let us talk to his wife - who is always delightful to us - or to our little grandson. When we visit, he tells us we can't stay more than two days because "I may end up being rude to you and I don't want my son to see that". We were always close when he was growing up and it's so upsetting for me.

Susan advises

Bad feeling between parents and children is often lifelong - but as your son's alienation is only recent, that's not what's happening here. Alternatively, bad feeling can begin when a child marries and their new spouse claims their loyalty - but as you report that your daughter-in-law is charming, that's also not what's happening.

What is happening is a huge heap of negativity. It feels as if your son has a ton of rage bubbling up inside him - rage he can't control even though he wants to. You have to find out what this is about.

Arrange a meeting one on one, without your son's family so he can say what he wants without fear of letting himself down. Ask him whether you have done anything wrong - not only recently, but maybe in the far past when he was a child. Perhaps there's some resentment that you have never been aware of - maybe that he wasn't aware of before he himself became a father.

Be honest with him, and get him to be honest with you. It may hurt to hear how angry he is - but in the end if will be healing, not only for you but also for your son.