On Boxing Day I discovered an intimate text on my husband’s phone from one of the single mums at our son’s football team. When I confronted him, my husband initially claimed the text wasn’t meant for him, but then admitted it was though said he was already planning to stop the contact. But then the phone bill came through and I discovered he’d sent 1500 texts to this woman since November! He’s saying nothing happened and I believe him as he never left the house. But I’m finding it hard to move on.

Susan advises
Of course you’re finding it hard to move on. Because for all your husband is glossing this over, something did happen and it was serious. He and his friend exchanged intimate texts - a lot of them - and even if that has now stopped, he was getting drawn in.

I’m not saying that your marriage is over. The fact that your husband was having serious doubts and has now stopped the connection means that you have a very good chance of getting back on top. But neither you - nor he - should just brush it under the carpet and forget. There was a reason he turned to someone else - and that reason is almost certainly that something in your marriage is wobbly. Until that wobble is sorted, there is still cause to worry.

Tell your husband clearly that if he wants the marriage to last, you must both go to counselling. Try not to blame him for what happened, but don’t take the blame yourself - instead regard it as a glitch that needs to be sorted by calling in an expert.

Only once you understand why this happened and work out just how to stop it happening again will you be able to forgive and to forget. Contact Relate