AOL

I always knew my boyfriend and I were very different people - we have opposing ideas on religion and spirituality. But I believed we had enough love in our relationship to overcome these problems - and everything was reasonably OK until a week ago. But all of a sudden he's ended it, and I'm left wondering if I was naive to be so optimistic. Do I need to be more careful in choosing future partners?

Susan advises
It doesn't feel like it right now, but your reaction to this crisis in your life is a really positive sign. Because there are always lessons to be learned from a relationship break-up - and if you don't learn those lessons, you'll likely make the same mistake over and over again.

So what lessons do you need to learn? I don't think you were necessarily naive - but I do think that you didn't recognise the difference between love and compatibility. Yes, it is good to feel strongly about someone; though that emotion naturally levels out after a few years, at the start it binds you together and motivates you to solve any initial problems.

But strong feeling isn't enough in itself to make a relationship last long-term if you don't have a meeting of minds. You need to be compatible at least on basic values in life, your aims for the future, what you think is important - and it sounds very much as if you and your ex weren't compatible in that way. However much you liked and loved each other, you would have hit problems in the long run.

So no, don't hold back from choosing a man you love. But if you want love to last, in future choose a man who shares your life values.