I've been using a dating site for a while now and have met a lovely, kind, decent man. We have loads in common and can chat for ages - but the problem is that I don't have this massive attraction for him. (I've been out with guys I have far more chemistry with, but to be honest they haven't been good men and have treated me badly.) My friends all suggest I give this guy a chance - and he knows how I feel and is happy to take it slowly. But do you think I should carry on and see if he grows on me - or be kind and end it now?

Susan advises
I'd certainly carry on with this guy. He sounds lovely - and he obviously understands you and cares for you. As long as he knows the score, I don't think you're being unkind to him by waiting to see if your feelings grow.

Plus, I think that you would actually be kind to yourself by hanging in there with him. Because all too often, as you've noticed, the ‘chemistry' that feels like an overwhelming attraction is a sign that there's something a bit off about a relationship. Sometimes we get drawn to people who are bad for us - we get fatally drawn to the risk, to the danger, to the excitement of that danger. But in the long-term it all ends in tears.

You aren't feeling that kind of addictive attraction to this man - and that's a good sign. You're growing out of needing fatal danger in a relationship, the edge of nastiness that means you're going to get badly treated. You're content and happy - and while it may feel too calm to be interesting, long term it's a much better bet!

So give it more time, get to know each other more, see where it leads. You could be heading for the happiest relationship of your life.