I've been with my partner twelve years and we have two kids together. But for the last two years, I've been really unhappy and have tried to leave several times. However, whenever I do, he turns on the waterworks and threatens to harm himself if I go. Even though he’s violent on occasions, he still makes me feel sorry for him because I'm all he's got. My family thinks I'm mad to stay - Help!

Susan advises
I'm with your family here. I do understand that you are worried about your partner. He obviously has a way of making you feel sorry for him, of making you feel guilty that you want to leave. But you have to be strong.

You can't - shouldn't - stay with someone out of pity if that relationship is harming you. Even more importantly, you absolutely shouldn't stay with someone out of pity if that relationship is harming your children - which it almost certainly is.

Plus, your leaving may actually be best for your partner too - by the sound of it, the relationship is not making him happy or fulfilled. If he learns by your departure that he has to change the way he is living his life, then that will be a valuable lesson.

Gather your friends and family round you and get their support to make the break. If necessary, leave without telling your partner and then refuse to see him so that you aren't tempted to go back.