A few months ago I met a lovely lady through an internet dating site, and we now see each other a couple of times a month. As soon as I realised I wanted a relationship with her, I cancelled my subscription to the site - but she is still a member! She says it's just for fun - and as far as I know she's telling the truth - but I've been cheated on in the past and don't want it to happen again. Her subscription's up for renewal in January and I don't know what I'll do if she signs up again. Help!

Susan advises
The problem here is that neither you nor your new partner are really clear what sort of relationship you have. You've been going out for five months and that could spell commitment.

But you only see each other once or twice a month and that not only means that you are living separate lives but that - if my count is correct - you've only met up half a dozen times. And that doesn't spell commitment at all.

What's needed here is a 'where are we at?' conversation. If you want your friend to stay true, you need to spell out what 'staying true' means - and what difference it would make to your relationship if she did decide that she wanted to 'stay true'. Do you get to talk more, meet more, start making future plans, go on holiday together - and generally start working up to a situation in which living together is on the cards?

If either you or she are not ready for that level of commitment then that needs saying. (If she does say, don't accuse her of cheating - the deal between you has not been clear up to now, so you have no grounds for accusation!) But you just might find that spelling out the sort of involvement you want allows your friend to step up to that in just the way you're hoping she will.