Ten years ago I split from my husband. It was completely devastating as I was still in love with him - and so it was very hard to move on. But four years ago I got together with a lovely guy, who has turned into a good partner and my best friend. Now it's got to the point where I either have to commit to him or leave, but something's stopping me moving it further. Why am I having doubts?

Susan advises

I suspect from the fact that you mention your previous marriage that you know why you are having doubts about your current relationship. But let me spell it out for you. If - for example - you have a car crash, it is fairly typical to become anxious around driving. In the same way, if you have a car crash relationship, it is absolutely understandable to become anxious around committing again.

Of course you're nervous. You were deeply hurt when your marriage ended, and that hurt stayed with you for years. Even given that your new partner is so lovely, it's natural to doubt your relationship, doubt yourself - and even doubt him - because of what happened before.

The answer here is not to plough on regardless with your commitment - or to cut and run. The answer is to revisit your earlier trauma, understand it, rethink it, and get your confidence back.

I can't promise that when you do that you will live happily ever after with your new man. But I can assure you that there's no way you can enjoy the present with him if you haven't resolved your past.