I’ve recently started a relationship with a lovely new man. Everything’s perfect, apart from just one problem - he lives in Spain! The distance makes it hard to keep the momentum going and all the travelling is definitely straining our wallets. We’ve discussed it and he’s not willing to move to the UK, so I have to decide whether to emigrate. It would be a huge step to leave all my friends and family behind for a man - would it be safer to split now before it gets serious?

Susan advises
There’s a worrying lack of balance here. You’re willing to sacrifice home, job and family in your eagerness to get together with a man you’ve only just met, while he’s steadfastly refusing to shift from his position in Spain.

I’m not saying that this means he doesn’t care for you - or that you care too much for him. But it does seem to me that you’re in very different places about the relationship. You need to slow down, step back and take a long hard look at what’s really happening. Why, for example, are you rushing into commitment - and making the alternative a complete split - having only known him a while? Are you panicking that otherwise there’s no relationship on the horizon; if you are, then be extra careful, as that mindset leads to wrong choices!

Bottom line, if your relationship with your partner is still strong in a year, then he’ll be much more willing to move to be with you. If it’s not strong in a year, then it will be a good job you didn’t emigrate! Successful relationships develop slowly - and though it’s hard to do the weekend runs and keep it all going by email, I do think you should take more time before making any decision.