AOL

Recently my daughter split up with her husband, so she and her baby son came home to live with me. Unfortunately, she seems to have gone a bit off the rails and is sleeping with lots of men, which is very worrying. Also, my husband, who isn't my daughter's father, is getting angry about all this - and has started taking it out on the baby by refusing to do anything with him. It's causing a big rift between us. Help!

Susan advises
There are obvious reasons why your daughter and your husband are behaving like this. Your daughter's feeling rejected - and is trying to feel better by getting her affection through sex. Your husband is feeling furious - and is trying to feel better by withdrawing and cutting off emotionally.

What neither of them realises is that by doing these things, they are hurting the one person in this situation who can't speak up for himself - the baby. Your husband certainly, and your daughter probably, are ignoring the child, not focussing their attention on him, not spending quality time with him.

So one way to resolve this situation could be to help them realise that. Don't blame, shout or accuse them of neglect - that will only make the two of them feel worse and behave even more badly. Instead, appeal to their feelings for the baby, and encourage them to spend more time with him, take care of him and cuddle him. If they do, support them in that, and show how pleased you are they're doing it.

And you know what? Being with the baby will help your daughter feel less rejected and your husband feel less furious. It will calm both of them down, bring things into perspective and bring the family closer.