My wife and I have three young children together, so financially and physically we're pretty stretched. I'm really struggling to function and I can see our marriage cracking under the strain. But now my wife's announced she wants another baby! I've told her I want to wait a year or so, but she says I'm denying her her right to a child and that she'll never forgive me if we don't have another now. I feel she's bullying me into this.

Susan advises
You're absolutely right - you are being bullied into this. I understand your wife's desire to have another child, but her desperation rings alarm bells for me. I do wonder if perhaps she's postnatally depressed and is not thinking clearly.

Whatever the reasons for your wife's behaviour, I don't believe you should say yes to her request right now. Children should be born into families where the adult-to-adult relationships are healthy, loving, thoughtful and considerate. At the moment, your marriage is far from fulfilling those criteria - and for that reason alone, let alone for you and your wife's sake, this is not the time to be expanding your family.

I agree that if you keep on saying no, it may cause an unmendable rift between you and your wife. But even if the bottom line is that the price of saving your marriage is to bring a baby into an already unhappy and unstable family, you should stand firm.

I doubt if your wife will agree to go to counselling, but I would urge you to go - even if just to get some ongoing support. Ask your GP to refer you to a local counsellor.