Seven years ago my son’s then girlfriend fell pregnant. She said my son was the father and so when she needed accommodation we were only too delighted to offer her and the baby a home. They lived with us for five years, so we developed a strong bond with the child. Eventually, they moved out and shortly afterwards we found out, via a court case, that she’d known all along that my son wasn’t the biological father. Since then she’s blocked all our attempts to stay in touch with the child and even said she’d consulted the police about keeping us away. Is there anything we can do?

Susan advises
The news is not good here. Legally, there is nothing you can do - you have no real rights in the situation and so the girl doesn’t have to give you access to the child. The only way forward is to appeal to her sense of humanity - explain to her how strongly you feel about the little one and help her understand how important it is that you keep contact with him.

But also, hard though it may be, try not to let your bad feelings show here. Because more than likely this girl is being so unreasonable is that she’s scared you and your spouse will turn on her, get angry with her. Rightly, she feels guilty - she knows very well that she has acted badly - and she’s expecting you to add to that guilt.

So, understandably angry though you must be, your only possible way forward is to reassure her of your motives, reassure her that you are not out to blame, take revenge or sue her. All you want is access to the little girl - if she gives you that, then you’ll go easy on her.

Sadly, I am not hopeful of a good outcome here. But this does seem to me a possible way forward; it is certainly worth trying.