AOL

My boyfriend's life is ruled by his ex-girlfriend, who he has a daughter with. His ex is constantly demanding money and attention - and saying that he has to do it because it's for their little girl. It's really starting to cause problems in our relationship and make me unhappy. I don't want to leave him over this, but I'm starting to worry that I don't have any other option.

Susan advises
No easy answer here. The little girl needs her dad, of course - and the ex-girlfriend is using that fact to keep a hold on your man. If you choose to walk away from this situation I wouldn't blame you.

Just one thing I would suggest - but it's a long-term strategy and hard to implement. It's simply this: stop turning the whole thing into a problem. If your man chooses to give money to the child, say yes. If he chooses to spend time with the ex, let him go.

Because right now, he's torn. He knows he needs to support his child - that's a given. So the more you try to stop him doing that the more he has to resist you. If you back off and support him, then he won't have to fight you any more. Plus, he'll be increasingly grateful to you for helping him be a great dad.

This won't work overnight. Your man will need to feel freed of the tug of war between you and his ex before he can start recontacting the love between you and him. He'll need to feel unpressured by you before he can become aware of how much he's being pressured by his ex and start making a stand against that. But sometimes you have to abandon the battle in order to win a war - and this is one of those times.