AOL

My daughter has a long distance relationship - her boyfriend just comes to stay at her place at weekends. But now he's applied for a job nearby and if he gets it will move in with her and my teenage granddaughter. Problem is, my 15-year old granddaughter is very unhappy about the idea because 'it's a girls' house' and 'Dad wouldn't like it', although she does get on well with the boyfriend. How can I support my granddaughter though this?

Susan advises
You've probably already realised that your granddaughter isn't just objecting to the boyfriend moving in. She's objecting to Mum having another relationship, in particular to a relationship that means that the days of being the centre of her Mum's attention are now over.

It's something all children in two-parent families have to face from the start - that their parents are not only focussed on them, but on each other. In a one-parent family it's harder because children have known what it's like to be the lone parent's absolute focus - and it's not comfortable to lose that.

Your granddaughter likes her Mum's new partner - so this issue will probably work itself through. What she needs right now, however, is for someone to acknowledge her feelings and tell her that they are normal and understandable. It will help if you tell her that. It will help even more if her Mum tells her that too and reassures her that she still loves her deeply.

Help your granddaughter understand that she will get used to this over time, and that it will all get much easier as she grows up, goes to college, gets a job. At that point, it will be her Mum who will be fretting that she is no longer the focus of her daughter's life, rather than the other way round.