Four months ago my father died. Just one month later my wife announced she was leaving me after a year long affair. She walked out - but a day later she was back saying she'd made a terrible mistake. I was very happy to have her back, but since then I've had a hard time coping with the fact that she chose to leave when I was still reeling from my father's death. Why would she do that to me?

Susan advises
Death often causes a little temporary madness in the minds of the bereaved - but also in the minds of their nearest and dearest. I'm not suggesting for a moment that your wife suffered as much as you did after the death of your father. But she certainly will have been affected - he was her father-in-law after all - and her judgement may well have been altered.

Equally, I'm not suggesting that your wife's leaving you was acceptable. But actually, she came back. In the end - and despite the pull of lust that she must have felt for her new lover - she realised that you are the important one in her life and that it is you she wants.

I'm not pretending there aren't serious problems here. I am suggesting that you cut some slack because you're both reeling from the death - plus I am suggesting that you concentrate on the positives rather than the negatives.

Get yourselves along immediately to a counsellor to sort out not only the fury you must be feeling at your wife, not only the guilt she must be feeling about her affair, but also the grief you are both feeling at the loss of your father. Contact Relate right away.