Ten years ago my wife and I had an argument about one of our kids. The row went on for a couple of weeks and during that time I didn't feel like sleeping with her, as I was so upset. Now it's ten years on and we haven't been intimate with one another in all that time - it's like it's physically impossible for me. I suppose I do still feel let down that she didn’t back my approach to our son, but I struggle to even admit that to myself. She thinks I'm being silly and seems to have given up on us ever getting our love life back.

Susan advises
I'm going to start by congratulating you. Because having spent ten years stuck in a pattern of not being intimate with your spouse, you’ve finally realised that enough is enough and finally decided that you want to change.

And actually, your wife is wrong; if you want to change, you can. It won't be an easy step, it won’t simply be a case of hopping into bed with each other after which everything will come good. But given the motivation, you can get the intimacy back.

How? You may flinch at this but - you have to see a counsellor. Because after ten years of your constantly repressing your fury at your wife over family business - and likely ten years of her repressing her fury at you for not wanting to sleep with her - you’re going to need a bit of expert help here in order to get back on track. A counsellor will help you to work out what’s happening, to face the feelings and to regain the desire. And almost certainly, once she sees that you are serious in wanting a rapprochement, your wife will be much more willing to at worst talk about all this with you and at best join you in counselling.

So ring Relate today - www.relate.co.uk - and fix an appointment. This could be the end of a ten year drought and the beginning of a whole new phase in your marriage!