Last year I discovered that my partner of twenty five years had been spending hundreds of pounds ringing and texting his ex in Australia. She’s been abroad for ten years and is married, but some of the messages said they’d fallen in love with each other again. I’m so hurt that he’d rather talk to her than me, even though she’s the other side of the world! I don’t want to hurt our kids, but the stress of this is crippling.

Susan advises
The bad news is this. The fact your partner is betraying you with someone thousands of miles away doesn’t make it any less of a betrayal. He may not have met this woman in a decade, let alone slept with her, but what’s happening is still a sign that he is looking elsewhere.

The good news, however, is that by looking elsewhere so far away - and with someone with whom it won’t be easy to get together - your partner is making a much less serious bid for freedom than he could otherwise have done. Whatever his reasons for wanting to stray - boredom, restlessness, falling out of love with you - he’s much less set on leaving than if he’d had had an affair with his secretary or the woman next door.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t take these emails seriously. You must challenge him immediately, find out where his real loyalties lie. Most importantly, the two of you need counselling if you’re going to turn things round.

But if you want to turn things round, I do think you have a good chance of doing so. Your partner hasn’t yet crossed over that threshold where feels he must leave. Face this crisis, take action and - like many couples - you could end up actually happier than before.