My sixteen-year-old grandson has a good life - he’s doing well at college, is brilliant at golf and we’re very close. But then three weeks ago he suddenly ran away to be with a girl he met on holiday. He’s now living with the girl and her mother, and refusing to come home. Our whole family is devastated - we can’t understand why he’d do this. I’m so angry with the girl’s mother for encouraging them and keeping their plan secret. What can we do?

Susan advises
What I’m wondering here is what’s going on for the girl’s mother. It’s unusual for the mother of any teenage girl to be comfortable having a teenage lad hanging around.

I’d expect her to be the one who was getting all upset, protective and concerned. There’s more going on here than meets the eye - and to solve the problem, you’ll need to find out what’s going on under the surface.

So put aside your anger and try to build bridges here. Arrange to see Mum - without your son present - and talk through the whole issue. Try to understand where she’s coming from, why she’s acting as she is. There may be something going on here that you don’t know about - your son may have confided to her things he doesn’t want to tell you. If you love your son as you obviously do, here’s a great chance to learn a great deal about him through this woman.

Then, with her, try to find a way forward that works for both young people and both sets of adults. This isn’t just a case of marching your son back home - if you try, he’s just likely to run away again and legally it would be difficult to enforce. Your aim should be to get everyone involved and talking; that’s really the only long-term way you’re going to heal this situation.