AOL

When my ex and I split there were a lot of unresolved issues. It’s taken me a long time to recover, but now I’m doing well and have a lovely new man. Thing is, my ex has now got a new girlfriend - who several of our mutual friends like so much that they keep inviting her and me along to the same nights out. She’s a lovely girl, but every time I’m with her, I end up feeling insecure and depressed because she’s everything I’m not. It’s starting to affect my new relationship, which is terrible because I’m really happy with my new man. Help!

Susan advises
When partners split, friendship groups wobble - and the new configurations can be tricky for all concerned. So I’m not at all surprised that you are having trouble handling this situation.

What to do? It could be that now you have a new partner, it’s time to form some new friendships, for yourself alone or with your man. I’m not suggesting that you cut off completely from the old crowd - but it isn’t helping you hanging out with them, and in fact may be keeping you stuck and unable to move on. I’d spread your wings a little, loosen the existing ties and look around for friends who know you as you and not as your ex’s former girlfriend.

But also - and even more fundamentally - I’d work to strengthen your confidence. Break-ups strike at the very heart of self-esteem and judging by the comparisons you’re making with this ‘new girl’ your esteem is at an all time low. So start to become aware - and get partner, friends and family to help you realise - that you are wonderful, intelligent, beautiful and completely valid on your own account. Believe in yourself, believe you are worth it - and not only will your ex’s girlfriend be much less of a threat, but your relationship with your current partner will be much more likely to thrive.