Eight months ago my girlfriend left me after seven years together. She's found a new man already, but says she wants to be friends with me forever. She texts me weekly and has now said that she wants to meet for a 'friendly drink'. I know I'm still in love with her, so I don't think this would be a good idea - it feels like we'd be cheating on her new man. Should I agree to meet or not?

Susan advises
Your instincts are right here. It's not just that meeting up with your ex would be a bad idea because she's now with someone new. It's that it would be a bad idea because staying in contact is keeping you stuck.

She's moved on. You haven't. And one of the reasons you haven't is that she keeps you hooked, reels you in and contacts you so regularly that you haven't had a chance to get over her. Why she does this, who knows.

Maybe she feels guilty at having left, maybe she still wants to know she has power over you. Or maybe she genuinely does want to be friendly - and as she has recovered from the relationship, she's well able to do that.

You, however, need a long break from her, to grieve, to mourn, to get angry at the fact she's left. In short, you need a chance to forget. Gently explain that if she really cares for you, she'll back off and give you the space to do that. Then call a moratorium for at least six months - or until you're no longer the least bit in love with her.