A year ago my sixteen-year-old met her second cousin for the first time. Now she’s announced they’ve fallen in love. As far as I’m concerned this is fine, as they didn’t grow up together. But my husband is wobbling hugely and keeps saying their blood relationship is too close for them to be together. I can’t seem to convince him that it’s fine. Please help!

Susan advises
Legally and genetically, this situation isn’t a problem. In Great Britain, even first cousins can have a relationship and marry - and your daughter and this boy are second cousins. Your husband can relax.

But will he relax? I suspect his worries actually nothing to do with the practical situation. Because the rules about relatives marrying are clearly laid out on a number of websites - a quick Internet search would have immediately put your husband’s mind at rest.

So I do wonder whether what’s troubling him is not that your daughter has fallen in love with her cousin but that she’s fallen in love full stop. A Dad in particular can feel hugely protective when a daughter becomes a woman. He doesn’t want her to be taken advantage of. He doesn’t want her growing up. In particular, he doesn’t want her having sex.

So don’t just reassure your husband about the legalities. Also talk to him about how he’s feeling now that your daughter is old enough to have a relationship. Help him see that what’s happening is natural and normal. Help him to support her to have a solid, loving partnership rather than trying to block her from having any kind of partnership at all. The answer here lies not in Britain’s laws, but in your husband’s emotions.