My 19-year old daughter has had several successful relationships with boys. But now she's gone off to university and become close to a lesbian girl - apparently they're in love. She's always been very easily led, so I'm worried that this girl has persuaded her into this. I know, deep down, she's not really gay. I'm trying to be relaxed about the whole thing, but really I'm very upset. Is it best to just stay calm and hope it ends eventually?

Susan advises
Bottom line here, your daughter's sexuality is something that she must work out for herself. She may be gay. She may be bisexual. She may be totally straight. Most likely, at 19, she's utterly unclear what and who she is - and is experimenting in order to find out.

But in any case, what if she does decide she is lesbian? You are uncomfortable with the idea - and some people will agree with you. But many others, myself included, will believe that there is nothing wrong with lesbian sexuality.

As to whether she is being persuaded into this relationship, while I would never condone sexual pressure, it's just as likely to happen in a straight relationship as in a lesbian one. In fact if anything, because teenage girls tend to communicate better than teenage boys, the chances are that she's had more opportunity with her female friend to talk through the issues and make her own choices.

So stay calm. Ask your daughter how she feels, and try to understand her point of view. Contact Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays and talk to one of their helpline counsellors who will support you to work through your own feelings. In the end, whether your daughter is lesbian or not, the most important thing is that you keep on loving her.