Five years ago my partner and I started our relationship as an affair. We ended up both divorcing our partners in order to be together. He's always felt incredibly guilty about leaving his kids and as a result now idolises them. Two years ago he proposed to me, but doesn't even like me to wear my ring when his daughter or ex might see - in case it upsets them! Am I always going to come second in his affections?

Susan advises
The hard answer to your question is that yes, it's possible that you are always going to come second for your partner. When he met you he wasn't truly free to be with you - and despite the fact that he divorced for your sake, he maybe hasn't moved on.

In any case, even now he's parted from his wife, he will always have a blood link to his kids that he doesn't have with you. His guilt at leaving them is understandable, and means he desperately wants to make amends - even if that means that you are losing out.

I'm not saying that your man doesn't love you - he surely loves you a great deal more than he does his ex. I'm not saying that the two of you can't be happy together. And I'm certainly not saying that, given some couple counselling, you can't move on and get a better relationship based on his understanding what you need of him in order to feel valued.

But you will need to accept that his kids came first in his life and that you came many years after.