I've had a hard time in the past - I've been badly treated, struggled with alcohol problems and am currently out of work. But I'm doing my best to get myself sorted out. Problem is, I really want to meet someone and settle down. so I've also joined a dating site. But now I'm worried that maybe I shouldn't try and meet Mr Right until life is back on track. I don't want to run out of time on having a family though. Help!

Susan advises
Like so many of the AOL readers who write to me, you have not only identified the problem you're suffering, but you're also well on track to realising the answer to the problem. You really only need me to confirm your realisation.

And I can oblige. No, you shouldn't be embarking on a full-scale search for Mr Right when the rest of your life is going so wrong. Why? First, a serious relationship demands serious commitment - and right now you should be concentrating on getting yourself through your crisis. Once you've done that, you'll have much more energy for making a relationship work.

But also, you need a partner who's suitable not for the hassled you, but for the you that's recovered from the abuse and the alcoholism, who's in work, who's self-confident and proud of yourself. I'm not saying that only totally sorted people deserve partners. I am saying that if you're sorted, you're likely to choose and to attract a sorted man - and that's the man you deserve.

So for the moment, log off the dating site. Put all your energy into getting back on top. Then once you're clear, sign up on the site again - and watch the interest come flooding in.