AOL

My partner says she loves me and that she wants to move in with me. I'm very fond of her and enjoy spending time with her - but I'm not sure if I love her. Sometimes when I'm talking to her my attention wanders and I'm never desperate to see her. Does that mean I don't really love her? I'm a very logical person and find it hard to understand what love really means. How do I decide how I feel about this lady?

Susan advises
There's no logical answer to the question of what love is - you can't pin it down because it means completely different things to different people. But when you come down to it, that's not important - all that is important is that you make sure that whatever your definition of love, you are capable of meeting each other's needs.

So ask yourself? What are you expecting if you live together? How would you spend your life? What problems might you meet and how would you get over those? Would all of this meet your needs?

Then ask your partner - literally, sit down with her and ask the questions. What does she expect? How would she imagine life together, day to day? How does she think the two of you could navigate the problems?

Be as specific (and logical) as you need to be to get a clear picture of her vision, and your vision, of a realistic future. Then see if they match.

If they don't, if you realise that the life she wants is not the life you want, then out of kindness say no to living together. If your expectations do match, then go for it; you will have a good chance of being happy in yourselves and good for each other.