I'm only in my forties, but three years ago I was very sadly widowed. Recently I've realised I'd love to meet a caring man to share my life with. But I'm scared I'll never get the chance. My demanding job and my teenage son take up most of my time. And even if I do go out, I wasn't gifted with looks so men don't even look at me, let alone chat to me. The future looks so bleak - am I having a mid-life crisis?

Susan advises
You may or may not be having a mid-life crisis. But you're certainly suffering a backlash from being widowed. The fact that the loving life you had planned was cut short so cruelly has made you lose all faith in yourself and in your future.

The evidence, though, shows that you actually have a lot going for you. You attracted your husband and, by the sound of it, sustained a loving marriage over many years. You are holding down a demanding job, even though you've been under strain. And I bet your son thinks you're utterly wonderful!

As to your looks, I suspect you're much more attractive than you think - and in any case, all the evidence suggests that unless a man is unbelievably young and immature, he doesn't just go for a pretty face. You say men 'don't look at you' but often if one's confidence is low, rather than risking rejection, one sends subconscious 'go away' signals'. I wonder if that's what you're doing?

Get a good friend to give you honest, straight feedback on the body language messages you're sending about your availability. Then put all your energy into getting out and meeting folk - not to pull, but to make friends. Be open to social contacts, without desperation but with interest. You'll be amazed what a difference that will make.