I work with a crowd of people who spend a lot of their time gossiping about others behind their backs - and then being as nice as anything to their faces. But this crowd seem to be the ones who are thought interesting - the 'in crowd' - while I'm just ignored. I'd like to feel part of the group, but I don't want to get involved in the backstabbing. I don't think they intend to be nasty, but it's just not my way. How can I fit in?

Susan advises
Do you really want to 'fit in' with a group who, from your description, have nothing good going for them at all? Gossiping? Being two faced? Grabbing all the attention?

I actually doubt if these people are genuinely thought to be interesting; the reality is probably that the others who work with them think, like you, that they're a waste of space.

I'd forget wanting to be noticed socially, and work on being noticed professionally. Gossiping on the coffee break may do you some good when it comes to getting invited to the pub, but it will actually tell against you when it comes to the next round of promotions.

Instead, look around for people who, like you, have sensible values, who are genuine in their relationships, who don't backbite. Spend time with these people and make friends with them. Long term - as well as short term - you'll not only be happier, but you'll get further in your job and in your life.