AOL

Recently I left my job because my boss was making it increasingly difficult for me to perform my role effectively. He constantly undermined me and was destroying my self-confidence, so I resigned and started my own business at home. I love my new life and want to put my old job completely behind me, but can’t because I keep having nightmares about my old boss. They are so bad that I wake up stressed and crying. How can I make them stop?

Susan advises
When under pressure we often push down the more heavy-duty emotions so they don’t incapacitate us. So if we suddenly face a roaring lion, we go into determined overdrive until we’ve tackled the creature or escaped. But once safely out of the jungle, we collapse and start gibbering.

This is exactly what’s happened with you. You hated your job; your boss drove you crazy. But you didn’t fall apart. You calmly and coolly took action, got out of the situation, found a much better alternative. Well done.

Now you’ve done all that, it’s time to feel the feelings that would have got in the way when you were dealing with the crisis. But my bet is, as you’ve moved on into a new and challenging life, that you aren’t giving yourself the space to do this. You need to allow yourself to get furious at this man, or to admit your fear of him, or to acknowledge that there were times you thought you’d never win through.

So - perhaps with the help of friends, perhaps with the help of a counsellor - do just this. Give yourself lots of permission to feel your feelings in the cold light of day and you won’t need to do it in the dead of night.