AOL

I’m weeks away from giving birth to my second child, so it should be a really happy time. But my husband’s family have all decided they want to be the first to see the baby - so they’re going to come and stay straight after the birth. I know it’ll be chaos then and I’ll be shattered, so I want them to just come for the day or wait a couple of weeks. Neither my husband nor his family are happy about these suggestions. It’s all upsetting me so much that I’m now not looking forward to the baby at all.

Susan advises
I really do think you’re absolutely justified in asking your in-laws to wait for a while after the birth. Who knows what kind of labour you’ll have, how exhausted you’ll be, how emotional you’ll feel - you’ll have more than enough to do without playing hostess.

Plus, the two solutions you’ve come up with seem to me eminently reasonable - the family could come just for the day, or they could wait a while, (or they could stay in a hotel rather than with you!).

So hold firm on this one. Sure, make it clear to the family that you do care for them, that having them there is important, that you are not rejecting them, and that you love them. But also make it clear to those who don’t have children - and remind those who do - just what it’s like to give birth and how much any woman needs time, space and support afterwards.

In short, I really do feel that you’re the most important person in this scenario and that what you want ought to win out.