I've been in a lesbian relationship for the past four years and I love my girlfriend very much. But I really hate my body, so I can't bear for her to see me naked. This causes lots of rows - and recently it got so bad that she went off and kissed a man. I forgave her because I can't give her what she wants, but now I'm scared our relationship is falling apart. I resent the fact that she often tells me what to do - could that be partly causing our problems?

Susan advises
Your girlfriend's telling you what to do could well be causing your problems. But your lack of confidence is equally a cause - and could well be making it easier for her to tell you what to do.

So why don't you change? You seem to believe that you can't - that you can never be different. And your problems aren't just around your negative body image, they're around having the self-esteem to stand up for yourself in your relationship, and around having the courage to sort yourself out and make the relationship work.

I do think that what you need here is counselling, because my bet is that your problems stem from more than just your relationship. Such low self confidence almost always comes from childhood experiences that have left you emotionally scarred; a counsellor will help you sort out what happened, and how you can rethink that so that it no longer affects you.

Ask your GP for the names of local counsellors or contact the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists on 0870 443 5252.