I've discovered my sister's pregnant for the sixth time - all her children have different fathers and she's already had one abortion because she 'didn't have time'. My sister knows I disapprove, so she'd made the whole family keep her latest pregnancy a secret.

Problem is, Mum always sticks up for her - so I've ended up having a row with them both. I've written a letter to Mum explaining how I feel, but haven't sent it yet because I don't like hurting people. What should I do?

Susan advises
What should you do? Don't send the letter. The way your sister lives her life, and the choices she makes, are actually none of your business.

Yes, her actions may be unwise - in fact, lots of people may feel, as you do, that she is being selfish and self-indulgent. But others may back her decision to have a large family, may imagine her children as being happy and well loved, may be in the same situation themselves and so may totally understand where she's coming from.

The point I'm making is that what your sister is doing is purely a matter of personal choice. What you're upset about is that her choices are different from the ones you would make in her place - but that's no reason to lash out. So keep your opinions to yourself - and use your energy to understand her, to make peace with her, and to bring your family together rather than driving them apart.