AOL

I can put up with my husband's never being there and the fact that I pay for everything. But he also has an alcohol problem; he spends £100 a week on booze and drinks himself into oblivion many nights - sometimes he ends up sleeping on the kitchen floor. I take my wedding vows seriously but I have thought of leaving. He says he hasn't got a problem. What can I do?

Susan advises

What you need to realise is that the life you're describing is one that no one should have to put up with. This isn't a loving relationship, let alone one of respect or commitment. And so while I am the last person to tell anyone to leave a marriage, I would also be the last person to blame you if you did decide to go.

All that said, if you are at the point of leaving, it could be that in itself could give you leverage to help yourself and your husband. Sometimes those who are in the grip of a disease such as alcoholism need someone to point out the results of their actions. No, don't threaten or bully or deliver ultimatums you then back down on. But do consider explaining to your husband - when he is sober - that unless he agrees to get help, then out of sheer self-respect, you won't want to be married to him any more.

Most importantly get help for yourself. Contact Adfam, a national organisation that offers support to families of those struggling with alcohol and drug abuse. Once you feel less desperately alone in what you are going through, things will start to get easier.