I've been with my husband ten years and everything in our lives is perfect - except for one thing. Before we got married we separated for two years because I wasn't ready to settle down. During that time he had a one-night stand - he says to force himself to move on from me. Apparently it was a big let down and he didn't repeat the experience. But despite all that I can't stop obsessing about her - why can't I let this go?

Susan advises
I do feel that you're being hard on your husband here. Many men go completely wild if their partner leaves and have lots of one-night stands - rather than just a single one. Many men then defend their behaviour - rather than admitting they got it wrong. Plus, his behaviour was motivated by love for you - after you'd split up with him.

Give the guy a break!

So why can't you give the guy a break? My bet is that you not only feel bad about what he did. You may also feel bad about what you did - and wonder how much of it was your fault. You feel vulnerable - does he really love you so much, and will he carry on loving you? You're insecure in your marriage, and this is making you focus on the only time he let you down.

After ten years, you don't want to be still living in the past. I'd get some counselling - as a couple - to help you put things in perspective and renew your love for each other. Contact Relate and fix a session right away.