I've been divorced for eight years, brought my children up well and helped them where I can. But last year my son - who has a gleaming career, but who's very insecure - took up with the daughter of some friends. This girl's been incredibly possessive and has basically alienated him from us all. Last night he rang to tell me they'd got engaged. I'm devastated. How can I ever accept her as a daughter-in- law after her behaviour to me?

Susan advises
The experience you're going through right now is an incredibly common one. A parent who puts everything into raising their child, and then sees that child shift loyalty to a partner often feels devastated. It feels as if you are losing your offspring, and that hurts. In your case it hurts even more because you don't like this girl, and you can't see any advantages to this marriage. You feel it's bad for you and for your son.

Problem is, there's really nothing to be done about it. Your lad - as all children do - has grown away from you and is no longer your little boy. He's making his own decisions now, and to be frank the more you resist him and try to make him loyal to you again, the more he'll pull away.

You have two choices. Keep on hating this woman end up hating your son too for what you see as his desertion. Or take a deep breath, accept that he's grown up and away and try to build bridges. Ring and congratulate his new fiancee. Offer to take her to lunch. I know the food will stick in your throat but do your best to get her on side again. Bottom line, he's made his choice - the only way you won't lose him now is to at least live with that choice, whether or not you agree with it.