I'm a 56-year old man who lost his wife 10 years ago - I haven't dated since but a month ago I met a wonderful woman. Problem is, although she wants to go to bed with me, she's scared of being emotionally let down - she divorced two years ago and is still vulnerable. I so want to be with her so how can I show her that it's not just about sex? What can I do apart from being patient?

Susan advises
The answer here is actually to be patient. It took you ten years to work through the loss of your wife and get to a point where you were ready to date. Your new partner suffered a form of bereavement - a divorce - only two years ago and is still feeling vulnerable. It will take her far longer than a month with you to get her confidence back in men, in relationships and in herself.

Plus, bear in mind that she's taking sex seriously - and that's great. She realises, as I think you don't, that lovemaking - particularly penetrative lovemaking - is a sign of commitment and it creates attachment.

So slow down. Your partner needs - and my bet is that, even though you don't realise it, you need - to build up the emotional side before you jump into bed. Get to know her. Let her get to know you. Give both of you an opportunity to decide whether this is the right thing to do,

A final, hopeful thought. The fact that she doesn't want to rush into things is a sign that she takes relationships seriously, and you should not only honour that but be grateful for it. It means that if she does decide to go to bed, it means a lot and it will lead to a commitment on her part.