My ex and I split five years ago and since then he's had our two young daughters for one day every weekend. But now he's got a new girlfriend so he's suggested changing to a long weekend every fortnight. I can see the plus side of this, but the girls are devastated. They want to see their dad more not less - and are getting desperate for attention from him. How can I help the children cope?

Susan advises
You and your ex are focussing here on the practicalities. You see that the suggested new arrangement would actually mean that your daughters would spend longer with their Dad - plus it would free both you and he up to have complete free weekends. Seems like a win-win situation all round!

But your daughters aren't concerned about the practicalities and for them this isn't a win-win. They see the new deal as meaning that he loves them less, values them less, has found a new partner who may replace you - and that might mean he would cut ties with them. They see this as the thin end of a wedge which will end in him not wanting them in his life at all.

This is where you and your ex need to put in the effort to reassure them. So long as you're all trying to negotiate about how many hours, on which days, during which weekend, you're missing the point. Your daughters need solid reassurance that their father still loves them and that he will go on loving them for ever. So how can he show them that? It could be hugs, cuddles, stories, attention... whatever helps them feel his commitment in a way they can trust and depend on.

Talk with your ex, and work out between you a way to demonstrate that to your daughters in a way they can really take on board.