Recently my friend was sacked for drinking heavily. As he and my wife get on well, I asked her to help support him. As a result, they’ve been spending lots of time together and she’s developed feelings for him. More worryingly, he’s been dragging her into pubs with him and I’m terrified she could become an alcoholic too. The situation is putting dreadful pressure on our relationship - we’re arguing constantly and I’m scared we won’t survive it. Help!

Susan advises
Your email to me majors on your worries about your wife’s increased drinking. But my bet is that - whether you admit it to yourself or not - that’s not your biggest concern. You may be denying the problem, but the real biggie here is that your wife has developed feelings for your friend and that he is encouraging this.

You need to challenge, both him and her. He - in his alcoholic state - may not realise what harm he’s doing. She - initially at your request - has got involved because one often does get involved with people one tries to help and support. You, as the outsider here, need to help them both understand that what’s going on is absolutely unacceptable and needs to stop.

Tell your wife you love her dearly, and that it’s tearing you apart seeing her like this. Ask her to stop helping your friend, and to come back to you.

Tell your friend that, like it or not, he has to start learning on others, or risk destroying your marriage. Then give him some numbers, such as Drinkline (0800 917 8282), where he can get professional, objective help for his problem rather than leaning on your wife.