When my partner and I met, I loved him even though he said he didn't want sex at all. Now, many years later, I've discovered that he's been lying all this time about being only 4 years older than me - he's really 14 years older. Overnight, he has turned into my father and I feel so betrayed - we tried counselling but now he's cut off and has told me never to mention it again. I can't help feeling our relationship is over.

Susan advises

I too suspect that your relationship is over - and not just because you have just discovered the age difference. Yes, that difference is what you're focussing on, but plenty of couples live with just such a gap and make things work very well.

No, what's killing your relationship are two factors which have been there from the very beginning. The first is his lying - which now you've discovered it, has made you lose all faith in your partner. The second is his dislike of sex - which from the way you describe it has always been a problem for you.

My bet is that you've lived with a sense of resentment and rejection around the lack of lovemaking for some time. My bet is also that you've suspected the lack of honesty for some time. Now it's all come to a head and you've tipped over the edge into disillusionment.

If your partner were willing to communicate about this then you might be in with a chance. But there's no way the two of you can live together with this level of mistrust and resentment hanging over you. By all means carry on counselling for yourself, to try to clear those bad feelings - but don't hang out for a happy ending here.