Please help! I've got suspicions that my partner of nine years is having an affair - with a man. I've been concerned for a little while that he might be bisexual, but now I've found emails between him and a male 'friend' that look very intimate to me. I know he's joined some websites to meet other men too. I've tried confronting him, but he just lies and says I'm wrong. How can I cope?

Susan advises
Of course I don't know the truth here. But unless you have a previous pattern of jealousy, I'd trust your instincts - plus you do have what sounds to me like evidence. So what you have to cope with is not the question of whether your man is bisexual and unfaithful, but what you do about the fact that he is.

If it's a deal-breaker for you, then walk away now, as you would with any unfaithful partner, whatever their sexuality. If, however, you want to at least try to make things work, then the most important thing is to help your man realise that, and make him feel safe enough to tell you the truth. It's likely that he is struggling to admit his bisexuality to himself, let alone to you, and lying is a way of not only trying to keep you, but trying to convince himself that there isn't a problem.

It will help you understand what's going on - and cope with it better - if you can get support. The Straight Spouse Network have an email support network. Bottom line, contact them today and talk to other people who have been through what you have and come out the other side.