Until recently my wife and I had a very active social life - we were always out dancing or at the cinema. But then my wife brought her eighty-five year mother to live with us. Now we're stuck in every night while the two of them watch TV. My wife and I used to be a close couple, but now every time I try to be intimate with her she tells me to be quiet as her mother's in the next room! It feels like I don't exist anymore.

Susan advises
The fact that you and your wife used to be close means that there's nothing really wrong with your relationship. But at the moment, you're in a very tricky situation. You feel sidelined and rightly so. She feels torn - wanting to be with you, but also wanting to do right by her mother.

But also, with her mother back in the house, she's gone back to being a 'child' again. She's staying home rather than going out. She's putting family first and partner last. She's feeling guilty about having sex. She's regressed - and in the process, she's losing sight of how important you are to her.

You need to explain all this to your wife. You need to explain that it isn't the one-off events that are bothering you - and that you aren't asking her to move her mother out again. But you are asking her to be the person she used to be - adult woman not child; wife and lover not daughter. You want her back.

Have this conversation, clearly and lovingly. My bet is that when your wife understands what's happening, and realises that she's threatening her marriage, she'll start seeing that she needs to give you more attention, more support and more love.