Twenty five years ago my mother-in-law caused a terrible row by claiming I'd said something I hadn't. My wife believed her mother, which resulted in a rift between us that never healed. I haven't seen my mother-in-law since the argument, but I stayed with my wife for the sake of our children. Now the kids are grown and I want to try and mend my marriage. I know that if my mother-in-law dies without admitting the truth it will never be sorted.

Susan advises
Your letter is so tragic, I can hardly read it without reaching for the handkerchiefs. You and your family have spent twenty-five years alienated from each other - a wasted lifetime. Thank heaven that you at least have at last seen sense and try to mend things.

Problem is, you are buying into the belief that what it will take to build bridges is for your mother in law to admit she was wrong. Perhaps that was all that was needed 25 years ago. But there's now a quarter of a century of resentment to clear, with your wife thinking she was right, your feeling she betrayed you by backing her mother, and you both realising that actually, you've ruined a perfectly happy marriage over this.

For heaven's sake, let go of right and wrong. It doesn't matter who said what, to whom, or how incorrectly. Go to your wife, take her in your arms, tell her that you still love her and you want her back. Then pray that she feels the same. And if she does, get yourselves along to counselling right now to try to heal the wounds. Don't waste even a day here - because you've already wasted 25 years.