AOL

Last year I threw out my husband for cheating. He went, but kept in regular touch with the kids. A few months later the affair ended and we agreed to slowly rebuild our relationship. But since then we've had row after row - over money, the children - and though we've both tried to make up, he's said he thinks it's best to see less of the kids and has decided not to come on holiday with us. Recently he was diagnosed with depression - is that what's causing the problems?

Susan advises
Your husband's depression won't be helping matters here - though whether it's the cause of the rows between you or the effect of them isn't really clear.

What is clear is that the arguments started when the two of you decided to give your relationship another go. It's a classic story. A couple who decides to split stays civil because they're no longer really involved with each other. But if the relationship starts to matter again, tempers fly.

The fact that you and your husband are rebuilding means that the focus of your emotions is on each other again. You're still furious with him for having had the affair. He's still suffering all the bad feeling about the marriage that made him stray in the first place. There's a whole pile of unresolved issues here - and whereas when you were splitting up you were able to push them under the carpet, now you're considering a reconciliation, they're right on top again.

Only one answer here - go to counselling immediately. This will either help you get back together happily, or help you split up with minimum damage to yourselves and the children.