AOL

Four and half years ago my son’s father disappeared without a word. He didn't say where he was going - just left me with a young baby to bring up. Now my son’s started asking questions about his Dad, which is making me feel very emotional. I don’t know how to deal with his questions, as I actually don’t know anything about the man apart from his name. I don’t even know his date of birth. Should I even try looking for him?

Susan advises
I don’t think you should try looking for this man. He walked off without a word and hasn’t been back - even if you do track him down, it’s unlikely that you will get the affection and commitment that you obviously want. He’ll just disappoint you all over again, and leave you feeling even worse.

Instead, you need to work through the pain of the fact that he abandoned you. Because all the signs are that you didn’t give yourself time to do this when it happened. You had a young baby to look after, and you probably just pushed down all the emotion and put your energy into simply coping.

But now that you have time to think about it all - and now that your son’s questions are bringing it back to you - you’re contacting the grief and anger again. No wonder you feel emotional!

Relate helps people get over relationship endings however long ago they happened. Once you are through the negative emotions, you’ll be able to cope much better with your son’s needs - and start living a positive life.